Do You Know/Are You A Heidi

Hello dolls! I actually have a very different post for you guys today. I do study Journalism because I have a passion for writing. But one other quality I feel like I have a passion for is analysing behaviour in people. I am so interested in psychology, why we are the way we are and why we do the things we do. And because of this I am known a little bit as the advice giver amongst most my friends. I thought I'd share with you guys a little of my opinions about certain issues, (much like my post about "Women In Support Of Women") and try and post these "true to life" topics on a Sunday as often as I can. Lets begin :)

 I am a massive fan of The Hills (sans Kristen Cavallari). I love reality tv because I love the aspect of getting attached to and analysing the behaviour of characters that are actual people (questionable I know hehe). I especially love Lauren Conrad, not just because of her sweet LA girl style but also because, I felt more attached to her as a character because her friendship values matched my own. I too prefer to have a connection to people I can call "best friends" rather than be that collector of people. The only thing that maybe I dont agree with is her pushiness. I have best friends that play different roles in my life, that all represent different aspects of my personality. I have a friends that will always sit and listen to my drama and actually be interested (Whitney's), friends that I've known for years that I'm very similar to (Lo's), friends that I share my emotions with and we'd both drop what we're doing to be there in times of need (Audrina's). And then I started to think... do I have any Heidi's?

Image sourced from Goole Images

We've all at some point known that girl that has abandoned or fallen out with her friends or changed dramatically as a person after entering into a new relationship. Some of us have even been that girl. Don't get me wrong when you get into a relationship, especially one that becomes serious, I do accept the fact that the loss of a few friendships here and there on both sides does tend to occur. Especially if you feel as if you're around people that don't respect your change in circumstances or have malicious feelings towards your relationship. But when choosing to distance yourself from true friends, as a girl, you have to make sure you are benefiting more from the loss in comparison to what you're losing.

Images from "The Hollywood Gossip"

As The Hills fans would have remembered once Heidi entered into her new relationship Lauren wasn't immediately negative towards the blossoming romance. It was only once Lauren saw Spencer's lack of morality is where she made the "mistake" of being honest with her best friend about her feelings for her new beau. Heidi herself seemed to be swept up in a whirlwind that many women do when dating a guy with a usual reputation for being a player. She begun to feel special that the "former" Lothario was concentrating his efforts on her as opposed to every women in LA. Despite issues that arose between her and friend Audrina about where Spencer's affections lay, and actually catching him in action flirting whilst presuming she was out of LA. Heidi still allowed herself to become susceptible to Spencer's charms.

Images from tonicgossip.com

Heidi then begun to become confused by Spencer's "us against the world" attitude in regards to their relationship. She started to believe that everyone around her was conspiring to rip apart her perfect relationship with a man who made her feel special, and to quote Rhianna, like the only girl in the world. You can psycho analyse this and blame it on a lack of confidence on Heidi's part, a lack of fulfillment within herself which allowed her to feed off the boosts in confidence she received from Spencer. Along with that Spencer then proceeded to cement the end of her relationship with Lauren and any other friends within that circle by pushing Heidi into a living arrangement she may not have been ready for. And then further damaging things by creating a rumour about her former bff, which was the last  straw for Lauren who famously told Heidi "I want to forgive you, and I want to forget you".

Image from refolis.com

Once the finality of the friendship became apparent, Spencer then begun to exercise his control over Heidi within her job, her family and within her appearance. If you notice, even before Heidi's famous 10 operations in 24 hours, her image had already taken a drastic change to the Heidi known before. She had less of a fresh beachy look, that incorporated very little make up and shoulder length tousled hair. Then all of a sudden it was hair extensions, false lashes, heavy bronzer and Chanel bags. Not that any of those are a bad thing, but they were a far cry from humble Heidi from Colorado, in fact that Heidi seemed to have been buried by what looked like Heidi the playmate... which coincidentally is the look Spencer was most attracted to in the start of his romance with Heidi.

Images from Google

Anyway before I bore you all with anymore Hills trivia, my point wasn't to review series one to five of the tv show. It was actually to point out key blind spots most girls don't see when slowly alienating their good friendships for the sake of a new romance.

• Point One:

• Point Two: If you are dating someone with a reputation of being a ladies man, by being aware of this reputation and continuing on with the relationship you are whole heartily taking a risk with your heart. I am not saying that a man with a previous history of not taking other women seriously cannot change dependant on the feelings he has for you. But be aware that his reformation will be a constant test of your security within your relationship, and as a woman. Don't be naive, if you are constantly being made aware of his defects in character regarding fidelity by different sources, then they cant all be out to sabotage your relationship. Maybe you are being warned because most people recognize that you shouldn't be in a relationship with this person. And most importantly please believe, most times than not there is no smoke without fire. If it seems dodgy and feels dodgy than its quite possible that you've got a dog on your hands. And if you don't realise its time to leave, that's your business. But please don't allow yourself any illusions that people are "hating on" or jealous of you when giving you information about your partners history or current antics. They are most likely filled with utter pity for you or are finding your resistance to see the truth laughable.

• Point Three: If you choose to be in a relationship with a man, by all means you should look up to him, respect him, and think beautiful lovely things about him. But you need to be aware that he is human and to the rest of us, just another guy. One of the mistakes some women make is to have false idolisation of their partner and think of their relationship as what defines them, to the point where they believe the rest of us do also. One thing a woman needs to be able to do if she is in fact a woman is to recognize and deal with the flaws of the person their involved with and to face and admit them. And to also understand that the rest of us aren't losing any sleep over what your man thinks or feels about us or life. Friends should always want to get to know and have some form of communication with someone who is a massive part in your life. But that is your life. I cant tell you the amount of moments I've encountered with people who don't seem to understand the insignificance their partner plays in the lives of others. Having a false sense of arrogance about your relationship is extremely unattractive and will push others away.

• Point Four: Control in a relationship is not necessary nor is it healthy. At some points we all experience the brunts of someones standards or insecurities, in regards to what they will and will not expect from their relationships. I understand that in many ways people will need to change habits and relations they have within their social lives and with people from the opposite sex. But as a person you should still be able to be a functional member of society whilst still maintaining a loving relationship. If at any point you feel as if you are having to give up alot of aspects to your life just to please your partner, you need to communicate to them that it isn't possible for you to stop living just to live up to their ideals. Someone who loves you, wants to see you happy and when taking you on they also take on those factors that make you happy. That includes your family, your goals and aspirations and your true friends. Someone who feels threatened by any of those things, is incredibly selfish and has no care for your feelings as a person let alone someone they are supposed to love.

• Point Five: This is my last and probably my most important point. If you at any point do not feel physically comfortable with your appearance because of your relationship, or if your partner is encouraging you to make drastic changes to how you look just to suit their own image ideals, then I can boldly tell you that you are in a bad relationship. As a woman you should never have to feel physically inadequate because of someone your dating, us girls are living in such an image conscious age that gives us enough pressure without the added misery of feeling ugly to the man in our lives. Or if the lack of  security in your relationship is causing you to feel physically unhappy with yourself and forcing you to consider altering your appearance then please try to confide in someone around you that you trust immediately. Failing that I urge you to speak to you GP or family doctor about any counselling available for you in your area. I have no issues with a woman giving herself an image revamp, or in fact considering cosmetic surgery, but I believe you should only do this when you are feeling secure and happy in every other aspect of your life.

I am in no way a counsellor nor am I a relationship expert as such. But one thing I have learnt to take extremely seriously in life is my friendships with my girl friends. My Mummy is a typical Virgo, shes definitely a woman's woman, supporting, encouraging, honest and forces you to see how incredible you are, and that's how I truly believe one woman should react towards another if they claim to be friends. I'm speaking as someone who has experienced being burnt by many close friends in the past, yet never once could I treat them with the same negativity they displayed to me. Like Lauren I'd rather just move on with my life and create a distance between myself and the person hurting me. Its very hard for me to engage in a slagging match with someone I was once close with. In the end I know I'd end up racked with guilt and would probably feel as if I was in the wrong instead. Friendships amongst women are increadibly important. They help stabalise us as people, to have a support network amongst people who understand exactly what you go through and why is an increadibly valuable thing. I believe we are credited with emotional intelligence for a reason and thats what enables us to be the type of friends we are. Romantic involvments are just as important, but a good relationship would never isolate or oppress you, and most importantly never cause the loss of the good people in your life.

I hope you guys enjoyed this post. I know its rather long so if you made it to here I'm very impressed. Please let me know your feelings and opinions on the points and issues raised in this post. And of course if you would like to talk further away from here please don't hesitate to email me beauty_stalker@hotmail.co.uk

Wishing all you beautiful ladies a fantastic day
xoxo

Women In Support Of Women

Heya sweeties, hope you've all had a lovely week, and are all relaxing pleasantly on this lovely Sunday. Today I wanted to talk about something a bit different, I want to give my personal opinions on a subject that's actually really hit me alot lately.

I am firm believer in women supporting other women. I think there's so much male perspective around in the world today, through media, music and even fashion. Theres no denying it we do live in a mans world with alot of stereotypes and pressure's on all of us to be the "perfect woman". The "perfect woman" stigma can mean different things to different people, to some it may effect them outwardly in terms of how they dress, or their looks in general. And to others this pressure could be felt in terms of over all life achievement's, i.e; career, education, motherhood.

Through my own life experience's and just by actively living in the world today, I truly believe there is alot put upon a woman's shoulders to attain a certain level of beauty and/or achievement's. We are constantly judged by men on how we look and if we are suitable enough to their perceptions of an "ideal woman". But whats worse is that we are also constantly judged by each other, as if in competition for rewards, we're not even aware of. Day after day we are in constant criticism of one female or another, ranging from celebrities, random females around us, and even close friends.  As a race we have allowed ourselves to be able to be pit against one another, by bitching, gossiping and slating each other in the attempt to incur a downfall of the other person in someone else's eyes.

It's a shame when you think of it. Gossip magz filled with female columnists eager to rip apart at a young woman's weight loss or gain just because she happens to be famous. Supposed friends discussing one anothers personal details with other people to belittle that person. Females generally forming snappy or bitchy comments in relation to another females appearance or any other aspects of her life. No I'm not a martyr, of course I've been guilty of doing the same at one point or another, but in all honesty I don't regard myself a "bitchy" person. Whenever I have been guilty of being a tad "bitchy" about another female I instinctively recognize the feeling of insecurity, and I know you ladies feel it too. When we put down another woman we do it in an attempt to tell ourselves or someone else that "shes not more special than us", or "she's not in fact that much better than me as first thought."

But no matter how much we dress up the way we say it, jealousy is still ugly. Men recognize it on us and we recognize it on each other and it isn't attractive at all. And whats worse is that it doesn't even make us feel any better...does it? Taking glee in Beyonce Knowles losing or gaining weight doesn't make her any more or less amazing and talented. Saying that Kim Kardashian has had surgery anyway doesn't make her any less beautiful. Laughing at Britney Spears breakdown doesn't take away from all she's achieved.

I know this sounds a tad preachy girlie's, but I know you guys must relate to what I'm saying. There's no denying it, but whats important is recognizing it. If you have a friend that you have to gossip about then you are threatened by her, no matter what negatives you can say about her life, the fact that you are using energy to negatively bring her down means you are doing this to soothe your own ego. And that goes for any other female, because if you didn't care you wouldn't waste you're time being so eager to bring these negatives into light.

So ladies its about time we recognize what we're doing to each other, and yes it is us that are more guilty of it than the guys. Its about time we look at one another and stop comparing our lives and looks. And if you feel that this is something that you do constantly than you have to address your insecurities, because chances are if you're a bitchy person, then you are incredibly insecure. And its not her, its you! No matter what you say about her to make her seem less than what she is, it doesn't change you, it doesn't change your problems or what insecurities lay in your life. If you have a friend that you feel is doing wrong then be a friend and tell her, don't tell others in an attempt to reduce their opinion of her.

I've seen so much hate crime lately ladies and when you actually find yourself in the company of supportive females, it make you even more sensitive to the hating projected in this world, by one woman to another. I'm very pro-woman, this life is so hard for us, its full of tests and pitfalls, and instead of judging and dragging each other down, we really need to project the positivity of being a woman in the 21st century. We need to hail positive icons and even if we feel someone is acting in a wrong way or in a way different to us, we should still respect a grown woman decision to just be. I think having this kind of attitude gives off a positivity to younger and more impressionable girls growing up. We go into puberty, and the rest of our lives, and every step is scary, and with every step we are learning but also constantly being judged.

Lets ease the pressure on each other ay? Sorry this has been such a long post guys, it just something that has been on mind alot lately. And as you should know my blog is about all things beauty related, but also I thought I'd highlight inner beauty today :-). Below are some inspirational females that truly inspire me personally, in terms of my goals, my personal ambitions and also my style:

Her style, her grace, her talent and integrity. Alicia Key's is a truly beautiful and together woman. Letting her talent speak for itself, she is a natural and admirable person. Using her position and fame to bring attention to charities and organizations world wide.

My favourite of the Kardashian clan. Kourtney Kardashian is stylish, ambitious, sweet and has a great sense of humour. She's a devoted Mother and business woman as the main face pushing Dash the store owned and run by the family. Those that watch the show know she is loyal, cute and has overcome her share of struggles.

Jennifer Lopez is more than a booty; shes an amazing and progressive brand. This former dancer from the inner city has become a global superstar, designer and reputable judge. To me she has always come across as strong, feisty and independent.

Some may deem Mariah Carey as a stone cold diva. But why does that have to be a bad thing? To me she's strong, talented and very in charge of herself. Those that know about her early career know that she was in a controlling relationship. But just like a typical Aries, Mariah is a leader and has taken charge of her own career.

When I see Tyra Banks I know never to underestimate beauty. This mogul started off being known for her looks but has built an empire. A worldwide hit with ANTM, her own successful chat show and a lucrative production company. Not to mention she's tried her hand at acting and singing.

Hope you guys have an amazing week. Please do leave your opinions on this post, I am very interested in reading them

Lots of Love
xoxo